"She was not a girl who could be "won" in the kinetic sense-she was proof against cleverness, she was proof against charm; if any of these assailed her too strongly she would immediately resolve the affair to a physical basis, and under the magic of her physical splendor the strong as well as the brilliant played her game and not their own. She was entertained only by the gratification of her desires and by the direct excercise of her own charm. Perhaps from so much youthful love, so many youthful lovers, she had come, in self-defense, to nourish herself wholly from within."
I have been having more than enough fun lately.
I probably have not slept in over 36 hours.
I have been to over six doctors in the past few days.
I got a new phone. I suck with electronics.
Savin’s birthday is coming up and I am going to spoil him.
I want change and excitement. Not infinite security.
It is bizarre how so much can grow in so little time.
I am happy with myself.
I want someone who shares the same ideals as I do. Who is driven to do the best they can in anything they pursue. Who will wake up next to me and be willing to go on a rididculous last minute road trip. Who will take my constructive criticism and realize that I want the best for them. Who will rub skins and be entirely comfortable with. I want someone to take care of. Someone to make feel special. Someone that I will allow myself to be silly around. Someone who is just as scared as I am to commit. Someone I can push to the limit.
I want want want.
Then I realize that I do not actually want anyone.
Well maybe that was a little fib but that is how it goes.
"I do not love; I do not love anybody except myself. That is a rather shocking thing to admit. I have none of the selfless love of my mother. I have none of the plodding, practical love… . . I am, to be blunt and concise, in love only with myself, my puny being with its small inadequate breasts and meager, thin talents. I am capable of affection for those who reflect my own world." -S.P.
“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”—